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22 | Gazette Life | May 2026Readers are reminded that views and comments expressed within the Ed%u2019s Postbag page are those of the contributors and may not necessarily reflect the opinions or standpoint of our staff. It should also be noted that we are an independent publication free from political persuasion or governmental censorship.ACCESS DENIEDDear Gazette,They seem to have forgotten to make the new Lidl supermarket in Costa Teguise accessible to pedestrians. It might as well be on an island in the sea for most residents and tourists without transport. You can walk there via C/Las Piteras, which is very convenient for all those not-so-new builds that have been sitting empty for years, but anyone in the Las Caletas Village 100 metres away can forget it. Buses are no good %u2013 the nearest stop is over 1 km away on foot. I%u2019ve recently driven past shoppers walking on the hard shoulder of the busy Avenida de Las Palmeras near the roundabout; I%u2019ve seen people dashing across the main road, and I even passed a mobility scooter with two tourists chugging along the hard shoulder to do their shopping the other day. This is not an out-of-town shopping zone, it%u2019s a tourist resort with mostly expensive supermarkets. People will try and shop there, and they will take risks to do so. Yours, John KnightGather round the pole and Ed%u2019s Postbagwelcome May with the Contessa Guapatini, who%u2019s here to tackle your island life dilemmas for locals, expats, and fabulous holidaymakersSOCIAL BUTTERFLY%u201cDear Contessa, I moved to Lanzarote for %u201ca slower pace of life,%u201d yet somehow my social calendar is fuller than it ever was back home. Why?%u201dThe Contessa replies: Darling, island life only looks slow in the daytime. By sunset it%u2019s cocktails, cabaret, and five people texting, %u201cWhere are you tonight?%u201dCAUGHT IN CROCS%u201cDear Contessa, Why do I always run into someone I know when I%u2019m not looking my best?%u201dThe Contessa replies: %u201dBecause darling, the island gods adore irony. Always dress as if your ex, your neighbour, and your favourite bartender are all in the same room.%u201dLANZAROTE GRAPEVINE%u201cDear Contessa, Why do I know everyone%u2019s business by lunchtime?%u201dThe Contessa replies: %u201cDarling, island gossip travels faster than a fat kid after cake. Consider it the unofficial local newsletter.%u201dAH, GO ON!%u201cDear Contessa, Every week I promise myself a quiet one, and every week someone says, %u201cFancy a little drink?%u201dThe Contessa replies: %u201cMy love, on Lanzarote %u201ca little drink%u201d is rarely little and never singular. And usually starts at noon.%u201dDAY AND NIGHT%u201cDear Contessa, I came for the sunshine but stayed for the nightlife. Is that shallow?%u201dThe Contessa replies: %u201cNot at all, darling. Sunshine gets you here; the people, the laughter, and the occasional bad decision make you stay.%u201d%u201dThe Contessa Guapatini is the star and owner of Guapatini%u2019s Show Bar in Puerto del Carmen %u2014 TripAdvisor%u2019s No. 1 live entertainment experience in Lanzarote. She believes laughter, sequins, and a little sass can fix almost anything%u2026 even your in-laws.Just the TipBUS-STOP WARNINGA warning to your readers regarding the Costa Mar bus stop at Playa de Los Pocillos, Puerto del Carmen.If you get off at this stop you have to cross the cycle lane, so please check, There have been many near-misses.David Patton